#14 – The Connections Pact, with Shantel Dixon

The Connections Pact, with Shantel Dixon

AVID Alumni
38 min

Keywords

Sustainable connections, networking, AVID family, community building, professional relationships, boundaries, risk-taking, mentorship, career growth, authenticity, support system, collaboration, over-sharing, imposter syndrome, workplace dynamics.

Transcript

The following transcript was automatically generated from the podcast audio by generative artificial intelligence.  Because of the automated nature of the process, this transcript may include unintended transcription and mechanical errors.

Shantel Dixon 0:00
Everything’s new, and it’s going to feel uncomfortable, but just keeping in mind that at some point, every other person in that building was the new person, and they were also uncomfortable. So it’s not an isolated feeling, but get comfortable with not always being comfortable.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 0:22
Welcome to Avidly Adulting, the podcast where we tackle the wild ride of transitioning into your first career and all of the life lessons in between and beyond, when life and career merge into adulting.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 0:39
Welcome to Avidly Adulting. I’m your host, Dr. Aliber Lozano. Today we continue adulting here as we talk about alumni services and how you give back to those who are new to their careers. A special topic today is making connections—sustainable connections at work—so that helps in the trajectory of your career.

To help me unpack this topic of building sustainable connections is Shantel Dixon. She’s an AVID alumna, a PhD candidate—yes, that’s right, wave hello to the subscribers—and also the supervisor of student teachers currently at New Mexico State. Shantel, it’s good to see you.

Shantel Dixon 1:21
Nice to see you. I’m happy to be here.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 1:24
Yeah, and happy to have you. You’re going to talk to us about the importance of building networks, a community. And let me say it: networking is part of it, but this is a little bit more rigorous—building connections to have a community.

And before we do that, let’s talk about how your AVID journey helped us arrive today in talking in this podcast about making connections. So tell us a little bit about you being an AVID student, and importantly, this concept in AVID about building an AVID family. How did you experience that as a student first, and then we’re going to get to how did you create that as an AVID educator?

Shantel Dixon 2:01
Well, I was very fortunate to be able to be in the AVID elective all through high school. And although I was involved in other programs and sports and things like that, I wasn’t able to really develop meaningful connections with others because I was super shy and I didn’t know how to create those connections.

And so through being in AVID, with the relational capacity activities that are done in the classroom, working with my tutors, working with my teacher, I really started to build a sense of confidence in myself and trust in others. And that really opened the doors for me to be able to create connections with others in my class.

And through that, I developed some really long-lasting and very meaningful relationships, not just with the students in my class, but as well as with my teacher and my tutors. And those relationships are still going strong well beyond high school, and I still feel very supported by that community of people in my personal life and in my work life. And it’s just such a great thing to be able to be a part of.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 3:22
So you talked about the opportunity about being AVID and even about creating that AVID family. We know that these are skills that you’re learning to work within your peers, and skills that are transferable.

You graduated, you became a professional, and you started to work as a teacher, and you started teaching AVID. How did you remember what happened to you as a student that helped you as a teacher to build a community of students, of scholars, and that led into even calling it an AVID family? What are those skills? What are those behaviors? Unpack that for us.

Shantel Dixon 4:01
Well, I think when I stepped into the classroom and I had my first group of AVID students, it was really important to me that they had a very authentic and genuine experience. And I wanted them to be able to create connections with one another and with anyone who entered our room in the same way that I was able to, where they became long-lasting, meaningful connections that became drivers in their personal lives and in their careers and while they’re in college.

And part of that was really just being as authentic to myself as possible with my students, while also acknowledging that there’s boundaries, and I never wanted to blur those boundaries. But making sure that they knew that that classroom was a safe space for them to grow and to learn and to fail and to succeed, and building that support system and that trust among my students was the key factor in those relationships being able to be built and then maintained all through high school and then as they entered the work field and then into college.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 5:18
So tell me more about what were those skills as students entered the classroom and then other adults came into the classroom. What did you expect them to do? What are the behaviors or skills?

Shantel Dixon 5:34
Well, it all revolved around risk-taking, and we practiced building up that confidence before other people entered our classroom so that they would know how to approach other adults and how to introduce themselves and welcome people into our setting.

They practiced with one another, they practiced with other teachers, with their tutors, and they knew that if that didn’t go as successfully as they imagined in our classroom, that it was a safe space that they could try again, and they weren’t going to feel judgment from others. And it was kind of like our little playground where we could experiment with different things and different social opportunities, where they felt safe enough to take those risks and be vulnerable in those situations, while knowing they had a very strong support system in the classroom behind them.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 6:32
So building community is going to take some time. It’s going to take courage to take those risks, and sometimes you’re going to fail, even at work, and fail and fail fast and learn. And those are the durable skills that you’re mentioning here.

I do want to highlight your special skill, and while we’re talking today, because you as an educator, working with these young adults that later, when they graduated, taking the skill set, you formed something called a grad pact. Hence our podcast today calling it “The Connections Pact.”

Tell me more about this grad pact and what were the behaviors that are still occurring today in that building a community.

Shantel Dixon 7:20
So the grad pact stemmed out of some end-of-year junior year panic when they started to realize, like, we’re about to be seniors and stepping out into the world, and we’re going to be away from each other. And we had built such a comfort zone in our classroom that they started to realize, like, wait, this doesn’t go with us.

And so there was a day in the spring where there was just meltdown after meltdown, and there was a lot of crying and a lot of really big feelings happening in our classroom. And I realized that for some of the students in that classroom, those are the only people that they’ve ever known who support their goals and their ambitions and their dreams. And part of their fear of leaving was, well, who am I going to have? I’m going to be alone, or I’m not going to have anyone who’s going to step up for me or support me or care about me.

And so I just said, you know, here’s the deal: whatever you choose after you graduate from high school, whether it’s you go to college or you get your first big kid job, or you decide you want to go start a family—whatever that next big milestone for you outside of graduation is, just tell me when it is, and I promise to be there.

And that translated for them as, oh, well, if Miss K—which is what they called me at the time—is going to show up, then we should go too. And it became just this pact amongst one another that we would all show up for everybody in that classroom in whatever way they needed.

So that meant for a lot of students, their next step was going to college, and going to those college graduations. For others, they were going straight into the career field. I had students who immediately went and started working with their families on opening a business and things of that sort. So we showed up to opening days, we showed up to graduations.

But where they threw me for a loop was when I said that to them, they meant it to me too. So when I graduated with my master’s, lo and behold, they showed up to my graduation. And so it just became a big part of that connection amongst myself and my students and my family. Everybody just kind of decided we were going to be each other’s family and support system no matter what that next big step was.

And I can tell you, we did a whole lot of traveling over the summer of 2023, and it still continues. Some of them are going on for their master’s. We got weddings and baby showers and business openings. And so it’s an ongoing thing where it didn’t just end with that one next big step. It’s every next big step.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 10:36
Wow. And what I’m taking away is this: I’m going to show up for you. And one of the things as a leader, especially as you’re going to be leading in your career, whether it’s a project or an actual team, one of my core values is saying my goal is your success.

You’ve just said not only is my goal your success, I’m going to show up when you succeed. So it’s about investment, it’s about impact, and it’s about celebrating. Those are some of the key things that I’m taking away, and you’re saying this is how you build a community. This is the pact of a working professional relationship.

So I want to hear from you: as you take this graduation, this grad pact, and the activities that you did, how is this the same or different from an AVID family that we need to then apply at work? What are some risks that we need to take? What are the risks that we don’t take because it’s the same, yet you’re now a professional? Are there some differences?

Shantel Dixon 11:42
I think the number one part of it is find your people—find people within your workplace that have similar goals as you do—and then you have to lean into those relationships. And we may not all be a “go out for dinner after work” kind of person, but if you can show up, just showing up means a lot for a lot of people.

So kind of learning about your colleagues, learning the love languages, how people need you to show up for them so that they know how to show up for you, and really just making sure that you’re also establishing some hard boundaries on time and being respectful of people’s time and your own needs and your own time.

But I think these skills are definitely something that were built in the classroom and that my students were able to then transfer. They recognized where to draw the boundaries with one another, so then they were able to learn how to do that in the workplace and where they needed to show up for others in the same way that they wanted people to show up for them.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 12:58
Yeah, having those connections. The two takeaways that you mentioned—and you’ve actually mentioned several times—is make sure you have clear boundaries. And there are the self boundaries that you have to regulate, and there are community boundaries that you also have to be aware of and regulate.

The other part is find your people—like-minded individuals—so you have those critical friends, if you will, that are at work. And as you said, they don’t have to be the friends or family by definition that you’re going to go out into your personal life with, but how do you take that skill, that same circle of influence, and replicate it at work?

Now, whether you’re a first year or second year, there’s always someone who’s new. Sometimes it’s you. What’s the best icebreaker or conversation starter with a new colleague that you might want to see if they’re your people, if they might be part of your work community?

Shantel Dixon 13:56
Well, I have a few favorites. One is: what’s your favorite current TV show, or the TV show you have rewatched the most amount of times? I’ve used that in my own experience. And for me personally, it’s Friends. And so I know if I say that, I’m going to find somebody in my space that is like, oh yeah, I’ve also rewatched every episode 10 to 12 times, and I love it.

But the other one that’s a little bit—it’s just an easy conversation starter—is: what’s something you’re excited about today? And just kind of getting to know people in the most level one capacity that you possibly can, but just figuring out, like, are they excited for the coffee breaks? Are they excited for a new platform that’s being used at work? What is something that excites them? And it’ll open that door so that you get a window into who they are as a person and where their goals also lie.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 14:58
Yeah. You mean the best conversation starters aren’t talking about politics, religion, and taxes? Those are the way you start community at work?

Shantel Dixon 15:08
Those are hard nos.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 15:11
Hard nos on that. That’s a hard pass, hard boundary, yeah. And I wanted to joke about it and talk about this is something that doesn’t belong at work, unless you’re involved in politics and that’s the nature of your work—and very few of our working professionals are in that very hard working professional career.

I like what you said. One of the things is: what are you excited about? Because oftentimes, think about what you’re excited about can take you out from that slump you’re in or you’re feeling tired as you walk out the metaphorical door. What are you looking forward to?

So I like that being something as a conversation starter to find your people and to start building community at work, because the things that excite them may not excite you, but you will be there to support them and follow them through, especially when they reach a milestone and experience success, or if there’s failure. You know how to support them and know the languages that they need in order to get through the day and into the next day.

Shantel Dixon 16:18
And it leaves you room for follow-up. If you ask somebody about what’s something they’re excited about for the day, then the next day you could say, hey, how did that thing go? And so it leaves the door open for follow-up conversation, and it really just kind of goes from there.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 16:35
Yeah. Now we’ve already talked about the hard passes and hard nos. The other thing that we’ve also talked about is some barriers. But what are some other unwritten rules, especially in the professional workplace, wherever you are, that we want to make sure we’re aware of when we’re trying to build community?

Shantel Dixon 16:57
I think a big one is always read the room. Try to practice being mindful of what you’re stepping into, what is happening not just within your workplace but happening in the world around you, so that when you step into a space, you aren’t reaching a topic that might be very touchy for people.

So really kind of just being mindful of reading the room and also respecting that not everybody is going to show up to work in the best mood of their life every single day. So if you’re coming in with all the jokes, they may not hit and they may not land, and that’s okay. It’s not a reflection of you, but also not taking everything so personal that it makes you not love your work.

You have to be a little bit more open to the nuance that not everybody is going to be in the best mood every day. So when you read the room, you can kind of see that, and you can gauge how to have conversations or how to approach things in that setting.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 18:07
Let’s even dig a little deeper. So what is the difference between being friendly and being professional, especially when you’re trying to build connections?

Shantel Dixon 18:21
I think the biggest difference—it comes back to your boundaries again—and knowing what is appropriate to share and what’s not appropriate to share in the workplace, and with whom it’s appropriate to share and who it’s not appropriate to share with. Because blurring that line can cause—it can wreak havoc in the workplace.

So you can establish relationships, and they can be very meaningful and very powerful in the workplace, but you also have to be mindful that this is your career, this is your profession, this is a job setting, and you don’t ever want to cross those boundaries in that setting.

And it’s okay if that person is somebody you also want to bring into your personal world, but making sure that there’s a clear understanding of what happens at work versus what happens outside of the workplace.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 19:14
Nice. We’re going to talk about clear understandings and another word—goals—in just a bit. But what happens if you don’t click with your team, or someone on your team doesn’t click with you? How do you still maintain productive, professional connections?

Shantel Dixon 19:36
I think the best thing that we can do is keep our focus on the product, not the person. So whatever it is that our main goal is, focusing there and not the people, but also sticking to collaborative structures. If we need to be working together, focus on active listening and being professional in all responses, things of that sort. But above all else, making sure that you are focused on whatever it is that the common goal for the workplace is and not just the people in that setting.

It just makes it easier to get through those challenges and those roadblocks. And you know, sometimes when you can work with people who you may not have aligned visions with and you may not really connect with, and you get to that endpoint and you reach that goal, it opens a new door for connection because you’ve been through the mud. You’ve been through the struggle together. And on the other side, you never know what that can open in terms of building a relationship with somebody.

It doesn’t always have to. Sometimes it’s okay to say, hey, we’re work people. We are colleagues, and that’s where our relationship will stay. But sometimes those really rough roads lead to some really cool paved paths.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 21:04
Nice. It reminds me, going back to how we started our conversation about family—yes, we were talking about AVID family—but in our families in general, we love our family members. We don’t necessarily like them, but we need to have experiences and behaviors that get the family work done, the household work done, if you will, the metaphorical.

And that’s how you’re approaching it. We may not get along, we may not click, but we still have to love that we’re in this workspace, and that is our passion, and we’re connected to each other by mission. So let’s put our heads down and use collaborative structures, as you said, to get work done together.

So now you and I are working, and I think we have a connection. Is it important for us to overtly—either one of us or the group—to state what are the goals that we intend to get out of this extended connection that we have at work?

Shantel Dixon 22:04
I believe very strongly in “clear is kind,” and being more overtly explicit with what you believe the goals of a relationship are tends to help foster the development and the growth of the relationship. But then it also prevents it from becoming anything that could feel more one-sided.

Because if I come out and I say, hey, you know, I really enjoy working with you on this project, I’d love to do another one, but you’re not feeling the same way, that’s where communication needs to happen. So I’m a big, big fan of the quote “clear is kind,” because if you’re not clear, you’re not being kind.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 22:51
Got it. And sometimes kind is being straightforward, not necessarily good news, but you want to know that upfront. You’re being kind in being straightforward that this isn’t working out, and that is showing up as kindness.

We have this conversation sometimes talking about toxic positivity, when everybody’s just being positive, positive, but that doesn’t help advance the work as a professional. So I really like that you’re leaving us with that’s one of the things that we need to do to nurture and grow connections at work—is being clear.

Any other advice about nurturing and feeding a connection at work, in addition to being transparent, vulnerable, very direct, as you said, being kind with the goals and the expectations so it’s not one-sided? Any other feedback that you have for us or advice on building these connections and nurturing and taking care of them so that they are sustainable?

Shantel Dixon 23:53
I think it’s really important to show up as your authentic self from day one as best as you can. I know that that’s not always the most comfortable thing, and you might have to lean into that over time, but if you can show up as your authentic self from the very start, you’re giving yourself a chance to create meaningful connections based on everything that you are and that you encompass and that you value and your morals—just by being very true to who you are and allowing others to get a glimpse of who that person is.

I know for me, as a teenager and as I first stepped into the profession, I was a little more closed off. I was really afraid of being wrong, so I just didn’t want to say anything. And I learned through experience and over time that the more authentic I was to who I truly am, the stronger connections I developed. And those are the friendships and the professional relationships that have really stuck with me over the years.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 25:01
I like that—just being your authentic self. We have another Avidly Adulting podcast episode called that, that deals with imposter syndrome, where you don’t feel like you belong. What you’ve just talked about is don’t be an imposter while you’re at work. Be who you are. You earned it, and show your skill set, show your talent, and contribute to the self and team projects. And that’s a way that you build connections, build community, and you might even attract individuals that are going to ask you, you know, what’s your favorite TV show, or what excites you about work today.

As you look at—and you mentioned earlier about in your childhood, but in your early career—can you remember a connection that you made that really helped your career and informed your success moving forward?

Shantel Dixon 25:52
I think that my first step into my career was a little bit more complicated in the setting that I stepped back into. So when I began teaching, I returned to the same high school that I had just graduated from. And so developing relationships with my colleagues felt even harder than it would if I had gone somewhere where nobody knew me, because I was doing two things at once.

I was establishing myself as an educator while also trying to break the mold of this person that they had already developed in their heads—that was this 15, 16, 17, 18-year-old student who sat in their classrooms, took instruction, and just did the work.

And so it really took a lot of practice and just trying to lean into those conversations and setting super clear boundaries with my colleagues. Like, this is me as a professional. I know you knew me as a teenager. That’s awesome. I’m sorry for you sometimes because I probably talked a lot during class, but me as a professional, I’m here to learn. I’m here to work with you. I want to share my ideas.

And so I really actually leaned into my specific department that I taught in. Along with AVID, I was also an English teacher. And there were some of the teachers in that setting that really stepped into being my mentoring roles. But what really worked for me was finding somebody in a school across town doing the same job as me but that wasn’t in my building.

And that person has really influenced a lot of how I taught, how I took on leadership roles in the workplace, and she continues to be a huge support system for me. Anytime something good happens for me, I reach out to her and I’m like, hey, guess what? This is the new thing that happened in my personal life or my professional or in school. And I know that she’s somebody that I can always lean on, even though we weren’t necessarily in the same building. We were facing some of the same challenges, and she was more experienced than I was, so I definitely knew she knew a whole lot more than I did, and still does.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 28:22
Yes. So the connections pact—making sustainable relationships and community—you talked about seek a mentor and also network, and they don’t necessarily both have to be at work and outside of work. Because then you get to have that opportunity to talk about outside of work with individuals to give you some feedback, maybe unbiased, and not let subjectivity influence how you’re negotiating your community, building your connections.

So I like that you give us those two tips in making sustainable connections: find a mentor, especially when you’re new in your career, and also keep on networking with individuals in your career but not necessarily in that same office that you’re at.

I think it’s so important to expand beyond your workplace so that you can have another network that they don’t necessarily know every person that you bring up, but they can be your cheerleader. They can empathize with you and your experience. And it’s not necessarily a shared experience, but you’re able to just share what you need, and you have a support system that kind of balances it all out.

Yeah, you’re bringing it back to investing in yourself by having a network, because it’ll create impact in how you show up and what you do at work, and it’ll help you celebrate. And sometimes, as we said, clear is kind—sometimes you celebrate your failures as long as you’re learning from it. You can turn it into a success.

That leads me to the next question: what’s the biggest mistake to avoid when trying to make connections at work?

Shantel Dixon 30:02
Oversharing—coming in and just having this mindset that everybody is on your team and you just kind of tell everybody every secret and every deep detail about your entire life story. Not everyone is always on your team, and that’s super unfortunate.

So you have to be very mindful of oversharing and when it’s appropriate to share and with whom. Again, going back to boundaries, making sure you’re not crossing someone else’s boundary with the information that you’re divulging in the conversations. But that’s a hard lesson. I think we all learn when we overshare, and you’re like, oops, maybe I shouldn’t have said all of those things.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 30:52
Yeah. You said it a while ago: read the room. And so you might lead with inquiry and not lead with telling all about yourself or telling everything that you know about this project. I like the “three before me”—you’ve listened to three people before you speak—is also valuing and making a right balance in your connections or your community, that there’s a right balance of give and take.

Now, what’s the one thing you wish you knew about at work in your first year, especially when you’re talking about making connections?

Shantel Dixon 31:32
More people want you to succeed than what is blatantly apparent. I felt very isolated. I went into my building knowing I was like the youngest person that works there. And I think I was just more afraid of failing in front of people.

And what I learned over time is they were actually—a majority of them were on my team, even if they didn’t outwardly say it. These people that saw me as a teenager and then watched me step into a profession—they wanted me to succeed because they had already invested time in me, and now they were getting to see the results of that investment in just a very different way.

So you have more people on your team than what you would imagine. They just don’t always say it out loud. And sometimes it’s the very subtle things that make you realize that somebody’s out there cheering for you, and they’re hoping that you do succeed.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 32:41
That’s asset thinking rather than deficit thinking, as you said. And sometimes we just get into that deficit thinking the entire time. But that’s really good advice—that there are more people out there that are rooting for you than you can imagine. So do your best, and those same people are going to come and surprise you and help you when you fall down and fail so you can get up, learn, and quickly continue to walk and then run.

Now, if you have not shared it yet—because you’ve mentioned and given a lot of pieces of advice, so you can repeat it or say something new—what’s the one piece of advice to someone in their first year, possibly second year, in their professional career that you want to give to making sure they’re scaffolding to building real, lasting connections? What advice would that be if you haven’t said it, say it, or repeat something that you’ve already said.

Shantel Dixon 33:34
Ooh, I guess maybe getting comfortable with being a little bit uncomfortable at the very beginning. It’s going to be odd when you’re in the learning phase of your new career or your new workplace, and everything’s new, and it’s going to feel uncomfortable. But just keeping in mind that at some point, every other person in that building was the new person, and they were also uncomfortable. So it’s not an isolated feeling, but get comfortable with not always being comfortable.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 34:14
You’re making me feel uncomfortable right now because I think we should switch, and you should be the host. And so, and that’s good—I’m going to take your advice: get comfortable with being uncomfortable, because that’s only going to make me better. That I want to be like Shantel is going to make me better in my own version of myself.

And so with that, I do want to thank you, Shantel, for giving us such a powerful takeaway, especially get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Everybody was new at that point. So you’re not new to being new, but you are new in that you bring something special, and that you could be a trailblazer—maybe not the first day, but as you are in your trajectory in your career, start small.

You’ve told us stay curious. Don’t share all your secrets in too soon, and show up for people because they’re going to show up for you, like they surprised you when you were getting your master’s.

As you build that pact, as we unpacked your career and your history, takeaways about learning about how to make meaningful connections at work, I really wanted to thank you for that.

As we end for today, some of you know Brené Brown, and I’d like to end with a quote from her: “I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued, when they can give and receive without judgment, and where they derive sustenance and strength from relationship.” That’s what you talked about, Shantel—sustenance and strength from relationships.

So until next time, keep showing up, keep growing, and keep building those meaningful connections one day at a time. That’s our time for today in this episode of Avidly Adulting. Be good today because that’s enough, and together, let’s strive to be great tomorrow.

Avidly Adulting is powered by our AVID alumni and is brought to you by AVID. To learn more about AVID, visit our website at avid.org. If you are an AVID alumna or alumnus, join our network at avid.org/alumni.

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