#1 – Life Is Hard . . . But It’s Totally Worth It, with Dr. Jerome Chelliah

Life Is Hard . . . But It’s Totally Worth It, with Dr. Jerome Chelliah 

AVID Alumni
44 min

Keywords
avidly adulting, career transition, life lessons, work-life balance, community building, personal growth, overcoming challenges, professional journey, identity exploration, stress management, healthy lifestyle, finding joy, building relationships, career advice, personal resilience

Transcript

Dr. Jerome Chelliah 0:00
You know, the ultimate goal for every life, I feel, is to leave this life with a body that is worn out, that has experienced everything that you want to experience and a heart that is so tender from all of the care and love that you have shared. And if you have done that with your life, then I think that is a life well lived.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 0:18
Welcome to AVIDly Adulting, the podcast where we tackle the wild ride of transitioning into your first career and all of the life lessons in between and beyond. If you’re feeling the pressure of adulting, you’re in the right place. We’re here together to decode the ups and downs of your first job and yes, at times, laugh about the inevitable mishaps that happen along the way when life and career merge into adulting. AVIDly Adulting is powered by our AVID Alumni and is brought to you by AVID. To learn more about AVID, visit our website at avid.org. If you are an AVID Alumni, join our network at avid.org/alumni. Welcome to AVIDly Adulting. And this our first inaugural podcast. Hi, I’m your host, Dr. Aliber Lozano, Vice President of Alumni Services at AVID Center. I am a first generation college goer, and an educator with a passion for teaching and learning at all stages of our lives. I, like many of you, have had a lot of professional firsts and work life balance firsts that I could have and probably still need help navigating. Let’s start with getting better at our first professional job by leveraging our community. Our topic for today is Life is Hard… But It’s Totally Worth It. To help us explore this topic, I’m joined by Dr. Jerome Chlliah, an AVID Alumni and an OB/GYN physician from Mercy Bon Secours hospital system. Welcome, Jerome.

Dr. Jerome Chelliah 0:25
Great to be here, Aliber.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 2:09
It’s great to see you again. Tell us about yourself and your relationship with AVID.

Dr. Jerome Chelliah 2:14
Yeah. So I grew up in Sri Lanka for the vast majority of my childhood, and immigrated with my family in 2001 when I was about 11 years of age, which was right around the time of middle school. And I really only started to learn about AVID once I entered ninth grade. And it wasn’t until 10th grade that I actually enrolled in AVID and it really was not me seeking out AVID but really my AVID teachers who were fundamental in recognizing a kid who was very overwhelmed with the American school system and really did not know much about it, bringing me into the fold thinking that AVID could be an avenue that could exemplify what I wanted to do with my life.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 3:02
And tell us more about what else you learned about in AVID that sets you up for success, and we’re going to talk about your career journey in a little bit.

Dr. Jerome Chelliah 3:12
Yeah, I think for me, at a fundamental level, AVID was an avenue to build community and to feel seen in high school, which can be a very tumultuous time as you are going through adolescence, which is a roller coaster for a lot of people, and especially for an immigrant who’s new to the country. And so I think community and building community and having a safe place to fall and be yourself was what AVID first and foremost did for me. And then the second part of it was really having an environment where you could be asked about your curiosities and your visions for your own life and what you wanted to do. That was not something that I experienced growing up in Sri Lanka, because Sri Lanka was going through a civil war for the vast majority of my childhood. And so the idea that here I now finally am in a safe place for me to think about what it is that I wanted to do with my life was very liberating. And no other class in high school really allowed me to do that, to really think critically about what it is, not just about what I wanted to do, but who I wanted to become. And I think that latter question is perhaps the most important question that we all have to ask ourselves at every juncture of our lives.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 4:39
Nice, and we’re going to go with that, what I wanted to become in order to do the things that are right for me. You talked about joining AVID because you were overwhelmed with the system. That’s not unlike much of what we experienced when we’re coming to a new job. I am overwhelmed with a system, whatever job or profession that you in tell, it’s going to be the organization, the feeling of overwhelm. And then also about talking about a safe landing space. What does it mean to have a safe landing space, not only when you join AVID, but through college and now in your career? And also making sure that you have that community in your job, so that you can feel seen and heard, to set you up for success. So that’s where we’re gonna go right now. Tell us a little bit more about your current role.

Dr. Jerome Chelliah 5:26
Yeah, so my current role is being an OB/GYN physician in a hospital in a somewhat rural part of Ohio. It is not something that I really envisioned for myself when I went into medical school, but it is where I landed, and I’m so delighted to be where I’m at right now. As I alluded to before, I really spent the vast majority of my American life in California, and really only moved to Ohio about four years ago, but the population here is a very interesting and deeply underserved population because you’re taking care of the Appalachian population. Which, for a brown kid like myself, it is a 180 but it really what I think, what has allowed me to do is really open my eyes to seeing the deep currents of similarities that run between and through all of us, even if we, on the surface, may look very different.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 6:26
Absolutely. Especially talking about the currents of similarity when we’re in a community that doesn’t look like me, looks like me, and everyone in between, how do I succeed in my current role? Yours as an OB/GYN, it’s not where you envisioned yourself in California and as you were your training, but it is where you are now. So tell me more about the phrase and the title for this episode. Life is hard, but totally worth it. What does it mean to you personally?

Dr. Jerome Chelliah 6:58
Yeah, as I mentioned before I grew up for the vast majority of my childhood in Sri Lanka, which was going through a civil war, and then we decided to move to America, because my uncle had sponsored us, really, decades ago, prior to the move in 2001. And we, once we moved to America, really, the kid in me really thought, oh, this was this is my ticket out to a better life. But once I arrived here, there were a lot of challenges that I did not anticipate in my adolescent brain. One being that I did not really speak English, so that was a huge burden on how to communicate and to even think about building friendships and community, etc. It was also the same time that I realized that I was gay, which, having grown up in a very Christian family, was a bomb in in many aspects. So trying to navigate what that meant, and one, come to terms with it myself, but and then also being comfortable to be myself around other people. I think that was a huge lesson. America was also the first time that I recognized that I was a person of color. When I was in Sri Lanka, I never considered myself a person of color, because everyone around me was a person of color. And so what does that identity, especially given the American context mean for me and how I moved through this country, was an interesting thing to digest and metabolize. And then lastly, really, my coping mechanism for dealing with all of this was eating. And so I became morbidly obese. I was about 250 pounds at my highest, which then brought its own challenges of what it meant to occupy a larger body in in the society, and especially being around kids who may not be as kind to people who are obese. That was another axis of challenge. I say all of that to say that if you talk to me when I was 17 or 18 and really asked me how my life was going, I would say, one, life was incredibly hard, but it really felt like a nightmare, in the sense that it was one thing after another, and it just felt like there was really no no light at the end of the tunnel. And fast forward another 18 years, I am, thankfully in a place where life truly does feel like a dream. And so the lesson for me there is, there will be many moments where your life may feel like a nightmare, but if you give it time, it really can blossom into a daydream, and where you decide that end point is is so important because it gives you perspective. So life truly is hard, but whether it’s a nightmare or a daydream really depends on the evolution of your life. So don’t discredit how much can happen for transformation in your own life in a very short period of time.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 10:07
You know Jerome, it just reminds me, if you talk about the challenges as you came into America, and you realize some challenges of language. And of course, language is instrumental in the way we learn and the formulation of how we think. You also talked about identity in the various forms. And even in America, depending where you live in what communities learning that you’re a person of color, or a person of fill in the blank, may take a while. I’ll share with you a story of a close friend of mine, also in the medical profession. We’ll call her Sally. She lived in a town where is predominantly white, and she was not but she felt and looked like she was white. And when the town started to see some more diversity, more brown and black people, she asked her mom, so and so moved here and then she described the person of color, and she’s like, but I’m white mom. And her mom had to tell her that she wasn’t white, that she was indeed Asian, but she had lived in that community, and she perceived herself, and it was just the reality of it as she experienced it. So it even happens in our areas of America. Then when you’re raised and you start to see diversity in all of its forms, and we talk about the form of thinking, the form of how you identify, ethnicity, race, geographic location, is really important, and that overcoming that challenge starts with realizing and identifying who you are. And sometimes that definition only comes from you. It is informed from the environment, but when you feel comfortable with yourself and with your identity, then you come to thrive. And one would start just by saying, well, doctor, he has everything in the world. What does he mean by nightmares or daydreaming? And so let’s start with that. What was your first major challenge you encountered in your career, and how did it shape you?

Dr. Jerome Chelliah 12:06
Yeah, I will say that I finished medical school in 2016 and I finished residency in 2020 and I met my partner in medical school, and that was really the reason to move to Ohio. And so my first challenge in my career actually has nothing to do with my career at all, but my personal life. And that was when, during the pandemic, my partner, who I was married to, asked for a divorce. And that really, one, took me by surprise, and two, it really shook the very foundation that I felt like I had built for myself. And it was interesting, because that’s really when my career was starting to take off. The day that my divorce was finalized, the headline at our local newspaper was about a volcano that was erupting in Costa Rica. And I remember thinking to myself, this feels very apropos, because I feel like my life is actually erupting in this very moment. And then couple of years later, I was on a layover in Costa Rica, and the news station at the airport was talking about this volcano that had happened years prior, and how the volcano had not just destroyed, but spewed lava that then hardened create new land in Costa Rica. And for me, the lesson in that was to recognize that every eruption can become your expansion if you allow it time. And even now, being a couple of years removed from my divorce, I think my life has expanded in ways that I did not anticipate after this, what felt like catastrophic eruption at that very moment in my life. And so what I will say for your first major challenge that you may encounter in your career, it may have nothing to do with your career, but your actual life, which I would argue, is much more important than a career. You’re trying to build a life, not not really a job or a career, and oftentimes it’s really the life events that affect your performance and how well you do or don’t do in your career. So just be cognizant of the things that are happening in your life, and not try to separate your life and your career, because they really are two sides of the same coin.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 14:38
I really like your metaphor of a volcano, because often we go into the deficit model. We don’t go into the asset thinking of the volcano is creating life and how that disruptioncan change you at any point in your life. And volcanoes can happen anytime, unexpectedly. And going back to life is hard, but totally worth it. And you being in a place right now that you describe that you’re daydreaming, you’re dreaming with your eyes wide open. As you think about the volcano and how you’ve overcome several of them in your life, personally, and I want to go back to also what you said about making sure that what’s happening in your life also fits in your career, not the other way around. Often, when I’m talking or mentoring, especially new people who are entering their careers, I talk [about] you’re going to spend most of the time in that job, most of your waking time in that job, so make sure that you’re making the right decisions, because it’s going to inform your life. And so try to make that job worth it. That disruption or eruption that happened in the daytime is worth it, if not, it may be time for a change. So as you navigated those volcanic eruptions, even the one most recently, can you think back about how avid helped you persist and go through and make this metaphor into a disruption or a volcanic eruption into a daydream?

Dr. Jerome Chelliah 16:11
Yeah, I think one, and this took me a while to really recognize, is that your future at every single point in your life is not dependent on what you have lost, but on what you have left. And AVID, I came to a point in AVID where it felt like I had lost so much of my childhood. And what AVID really did for me in that moment was to remind me that truly, my future is always predicated on what is left. And there is a lot left in you, even when it feels like that is not the case. And I think the second lesson that AVID had taught me was these teachers really sought me out to come and encourage me to join AVID. It was not like I think, if I had left to my own accord, I probably would not have done enough digging to be able to take myself to join AVID, like I alluded to in the earlier part of this really that AVID allowed me a space to really think critically about my life and my teachers saw something in me that I could not see in myself at that moment. And so the lesson for me there is that wherever you are in your life, give people the gift of belief that includes yourself. Because if you can believe in someone, they are more likely to envision a life that is much larger for themselves, and if they can envision something larger than they surely are getting closer to be able to achieve it. So whatever challenge you’re going through, one give yourself the gift of belief and give the people around you the gift of belief, because it doesn’t matter what type of job you have, really, the vast majority of jobs flourish or don’t based on the interactions that you have with the people around you. And so for you to be able to constantly give people the gift of belief, not just expand to your own horizon, but you really build a community in that process.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 18:17
I really like again, this other words that the phrase you’re leaving with is, when you’re faced with failure or you’re faced with change and you lose, it’s not what you’ve lost, but what you have left. So when we hone in on that, what advice do you have for someone who feels, in their first year of their job, that every day I’m losing more that I’m winning? What advice would you tell them to refocus as you did, to start about tomorrow is another day, think about what you have left? What advice would you give to that first newcomer to the job as they feel like they’re losing day to day and not winning?

Dr. Jerome Chelliah 18:58
I think every person that you if they are truly being honest with themselves, will tell you that the first year of any job is incredibly difficult, regardless of what you portray to the world, and it’s important to recognize and to remember that ease is never the goal, growth is. And just like how a pearl is really formed. When irritant enters the oyster, and the oyster responds in kind by secreting this fluid that eventually, over time, forms a pearl. Every struggle is really an irritant in the creation of the pearl that is you. So if you can recognize that and keep that in mind as you encounter challenges, undoubtedly, not just in your first year, but in every aspect of your life, challenges are part of life, then it will carry you in ways that will be meaningful for you as you navigate your job and your life.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 20:05
What you’ve talked about resonated with me as we talked, it’s really important to have mentors or people who have experienced these firsts before you to learn from them, and the pearls of your wisdom are resonating. I happen to have a sister who also went into education, and when I was making that decision, she talked about some of the losses, not what was left. And she said, I remember my first year teaching and crying every single time during her conference periods on her desk because of how hard it was. And life is hard, but now she sees it worth that. She just retired this year, and she’s celebrating the legacy she’s left behind. It was not my experience my first year teaching, because I’d had her in my campus as a counselor and I was an educator, so I was able to build that community and that mentorship. As we move through this our careers, and especially this podcast about AVIDly Adulting, and when you look at AVID it’s advanced via individual determination, but it also means eager, eager to be an adult. And when you look about a mentor or building a community, how has a community and relationships in your life impacted your career journey?

Dr. Jerome Chelliah 21:24
Yeah. I mean, I think not just in your career, but in your life. The older I get, the more I recognize the most important thing in life is the people around you, because that’s really all we have left. An accomplishment will not satiate you in the long term. Money will not satiate you in the long term, but the relationships that you build with the people around you, that is what is truly enduring in life. And the highest form of success is to really add value to someone’s life. So wherever you are in your life, if you feel like you are at a place where you are adding value to someone else’s life, then your life is already meaningful beyond what you can envision for yourself. So that’s one thing. And then two, I think, as you become an adult, one of the things that you recognize is that making friends and building community is not as easy as it was when you were in college or in grad school, when you’re surrounded by a lot of people. And so it takes intention to build a group of friends. It takes intention to build a community around you, and it takes a lot of trial and errors. When I moved to Cleveland, I knew no one really, and it took me years to really build the sense of community that I have now. But I will tell you that if I did not have the community and had all of the career success, I will most definitely be unhappy, because it’s not what enamored me to my current life, is not really the career as much as it is the people around me, both at my job and outside of my job.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 23:14
I’m going to take us to a side bar, because I want to probe more about friends and as we’re looking at my first year in the job, what advice do you have for a newcomer who’s first year in a job and is looking to build a community at work? What is the line between friends at work and colleagues at work? Do you have any things about it’s an advantage, and what are some of the disadvantages when you start to mix friends at work?

Dr. Jerome Chelliah 23:44
I think, I have always carried the mantle of being incredibly neutral for the first year of your life. I think if you asked anyone during the first year that they met me, they most likely say that I probably did not have a personality because I was so neutral to everything. And that is a very strategic decision on my part, because I do not want any aspect of me to really inhibit my understanding of the situation that I find myself in. And so that is step one. So what I can tell you is that people may like you during your first year if you take the neutral approach, but they may not be your BFFs, and that’s okay, but once you have understood the lay of the land and the politics of the job that you’re at, then that is most likely the best time for you to then make strategic moves, both from your career standpoint, but also to allow your own personality to shine through. Because you you understand what you have gotten yourself into. So there is nothing wrong with just doing your day to day job and being very neutral during your first year. You may not get the accolades, but really it’s we’re looking at a long game, not the short game. And so that is one approach that I have taken. I don’t know if that is the correct approach for everyone, but it’s worked out really well for me.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 25:28
Well as you talked about earlier, is adding value to someone’s life, is providing some advice. And I think that’s really sound advice. And you’re not the only one. We’ve seen it in Covey where he says, “Seek first to understand before being understood.” So as you’re entering your first year in your job, listen and learn and observe. As you said to learn, what is the culture of the organization? What are the politics of the organization? So that can inform your heads down in neutrality as you try to create space, and going back to the question you answered earlier, in this new environment that I enter, whether it’s America or this organization, that you do and are going to be visible, and you do take up space, but you do it purposefully by listening and understanding first, the culture and the environment around you. How do you also, then, even in this first year, help others in their work and to help build a community in there? So while I still am the first one here, I know that I’m at a disadvantage because there’s veterans of this organization. But how can you be an asset, even in your first year in building community?

Dr. Jerome Chelliah 26:42
I will divide that question into two parts, how can you be an asset? And that’s really being exceptional at what you do. And that is not to say be exceptional at the job, because I don’t think that’s a realistic expectation. But be exceptional with every single task, however minute that is given to you, because excellence can never be ignored in the long term, and people will always recognize excellent, even if it’s something as minute as taking notes during a meeting. People will recognize excellence, so always strive for excellence, even in the most little things that you do. And then the second part is, how do you build community while you’re at the job? I think this is a counter intuitive piece of advice is, don’t try to ruffle any feathers, but also don’t put the pressure of building this grand community and a grand network of friends at work during your first year, because it’s probably too much of pressure on you, and let it happen organically. I often find that the best things in my life that has actually happened have been stuff that I never even went looking for it just happened, because I was just living my life, trying to achieve excellence in everything that I did. And then things happened and unfolded naturally. Some of the worst things that have happened to me actually have been things that I was like, this is this is what I need to do, and I’m going to bend over backwards to accomplish this. And it was really felt like I was going against the flow, and in the long run, it ended up not being very helpful. So I would say, be excellent. Don’t have too much of expectations. Be kind to yourself and recognize that community is really built from people recognizing something in you that they find valuable. And if you are truly adding value to someone’s life, that you will most certainly attract that around you.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 28:47
Yeah, I think what I’m taking is you’re your subject matter expert. You were hired by this company because you’re here to lend an expertise. So build your community by being an expert in the work that you’re doing, and do it with grace, dignity and with excellence. When you do that, then you’re going to start to attract people in the collaboration. And I’m going to come back to what you said earlier about being an AVID and one of the things that help you do is curiosity, or lead with inquiry. So the counter intuitive that you talked about earlier is you can mitigate that by leading with inquiry, instead of being brash and making an immediate correction or recommendation, because you know best, and even though this might be your first year in the job. So when you lead with inquiry, you can sort of collaborate and compromise with the organization. And as you’re learning the environment to move forward to you say, of being excellent, and excellence is going to attract community people are going to want to collaborate and work with you in order to achieve better results in your day to day and in the big picture.

Dr. Jerome Chelliah 29:53
That was a great summary.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 29:55
And as you think of a big picture, let’s go back to that volcano. We were talking about. So now you’re sitting at the top, or standing at the top, or maybe your legs are tired because you It took a while to get up there. What would you say to individuals? Because as you well know, AVID is, as I said earlier, it stands for AVID is Advancement Via Individual Determination. But that is easier said than it’s done. So you’re sitting at the top of this mountain that is not yet erupted. I’m going to change the metaphor there, because if you’re at the top, it won’t be good that you’re going to be surrounded by lava. What are some ways that we can remind others of the bigger picture? You’re up there at the top of the mountain and not bogged down by the daily stress and setbacks. What would you give advice to first year work people at work, to get themselves up and to lift themselves up to see the 20,000 or 30,000 square foot of the big picture, rather than what’s happening right now in my day to day that’s really bogging me down?

Dr. Jerome Chelliah 30:54
Yeah, I think it’s really, really important to remind yourself on a daily basis that life is really a grand experiment, and it’s an experiential canvas for you to do what you really want to do. It is an incredibly great privilege to live in a country where we have the freedom to be able to create and cultivate a life of our choosing, and the direction that that life evolves into. And if you have that gift, then really understand that this whole life is, one very short, even though it feels very long at times. And secondly, recognize that you get to make your life what you want it to be. And so if you want to do X, Y, and Z, because that is what you want to experience in life, then and then do that. And don’t be concerned about what someone else is doing with their life, whether their life is advancing at a faster rate than yours, or not. And the ultimate goal for every life, I feel, is to leave this life with a body that is worn out, that has experienced everything that you wanted to experience, and a heart that is so tender from all of the care and love that you have shared. And if you have done that with your life, then I think that is a life well lived. Because, as I noted earlier, life is short, even on your longest days. And so you living out the most audacious vision for yourself is not just the best thing that you can do for yourself, but it is the best thing that you can do for the community that you’re part of.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 32:44
Now, Jerome, all that you have learned and experienced life. You just say, go out and experience life. It’s a it’s a privilege and a pleasure. And I’m gonna tie it back to what you said and and if today you’re feeling bogged down, don’t think about what you’ve lost, but what you have left. This comes from the knowledge and experience that you have had throughout your life. But are there specific resources, books, podcasts, quotes, that have helped you stay positive and motivated?

Dr. Jerome Chelliah 33:14
Yeah, I think I credit books for a lot of my evolution in my life and my thinking and how I approach my my day to day existence. There are certainly a couple of books that come to mind. One is called The Happiest Man on Earth by Eddie Jaku, which is a story of an Auschwitz survivor and not really, it’s not a story about Auschwitz as much as it is about the life that he built after he moved out of Auschwitz. And I thought it was incredibly beautiful, because it talks about what is truly important in life. There’s another book called Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed, which is a Dear Abby column, or a compilation of a Dear Abby columns. And what that book always teaches me. And I have it on my nightstand, and I read it multiple times in a year, is that people are going through some devastating things, and whenever you think that you’re at a low point, there are so many other things that are happening that you don’t even realize how privileged you are to live the life that you live. And then the last book that I would recommend is a book called When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi, which is a book about a neurosurgery resident who is just about to finish his long medical training and go out and live his life when he gets diagnosed with cancer. It’s an autobiography that he could not complete and was finished later by his surviving spouse. But it really puts everything into focus. Whenever you feel like what is in front of you is insurmountable, it teaches you that life is so fragile and so short, and you really have to prioritize the important things in life.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 35:06
Yes, we’ve gotten as an as an English teacher, or having taught language and literature, reading, I have a voracious appetite for both fiction and non fiction, and it’s a way to reflect and put your own life. I do want to talk to our subscribers, though, as your focus are, if you’re part of our first year on your job in colleges, you might have to Google, Dear Abby. There was a reference there that Jerome and I might know we might be aging ourselves a little bit here, but Google Dear Abby and you’ll get the connection to the reference of the book he’s recommending. I’ve got to ask, because I have a doctor here in hand, and we’re talking about life is hard, but it’s worth it. And we’re talking about first year jobs, but I’m sure when you’re flying Jerome or driving or you reveal to somebody that you’re an OB/GYN, everybody asks you for advice. So we’re going to ask you for advice to our subscribers. So as a physician specializing in women’s health, what can women and the men and women who support them do so that women can lead healthier lifestyles when they’re thinking about starting a family?

Dr. Jerome Chelliah 36:08
This is, this is an advice that I give to all of my patients who are about to start their family. And people having children much later in life. And it’s not uncommon that a lot of people struggle to get pregnant, and one of the most important things that you can do in that process is one to not stress out as much as possible, which is a terrible advice to give, because you can’t tell someone who’s stressed about, having difficulties with fertility to not stress out. But I will tell you, and I think a lot of my colleagues would agree. There are so many times when someone is so worried about getting pregnant and the lack thereof, even though they have attempted so many things, and there comes a point where they surrender and they say, oh, you know what, we just have to go to do IVF. And I cannot tell you the number of my patients who get pregnant from that small interval where they’re waiting for their IVF doctor to see them, because it’s a moment where they’ve just given up and they feel like, okay, I’ve tried everything I could at this point, and now I’m just need to do IVF to get pregnant. I can’t tell you the number of my patients who get pregnant during that month wait time while they’re waiting to go see the IVF doctor. That is to say that really, stress is such an important inhibitor of experiencing all the joys that life has to offer. And so whether you alleviate stress through exercise, meditation, etc, figure out what works for you and try, try not to be stressed, which is, of course, much easier said than done.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 37:53
All right, so the advice that I heard is to lead a healthier lifestyle, you need to relieve stress, and you’re giving the advice of, don’t stress out about it.

Dr. Jerome Chelliah 38:04
Yeah, exactly.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 38:06
When you don’t stress out about it, that’s when when life happens, and you get to experience life, both metaphorically and literally. So if it’s your first year in their job, and you and your your partner want to start a family, don’t stress out and that’ll lead for a healthier opportunity for you to start life and start expanding your own family. Now that we’re coming towards the end of our podcast here, talking about life is hard, let’s just change it because it’s worth it. Listen, life is hard. Don’t stress out. Don’t stress out about it, because it’s worth it in the end. What are three behaviors for our subscribers that they can practice, especially if life gets hard? One of them is, don’t stress out and figure out what relief stress from you, as you said whether that’s physical exercise, walking, watching a movie, reading a book to get to advance, listening to music. What is advice that you have so in the end, they know that life is hard, but it’s totally worth it?

Dr. Jerome Chelliah 39:05
Yeah, I will say, pay attention to what what you eat, because if you don’t treat food as medicine now, you will treat medicine as food in the future. The second thing would be to figure out what is your deepest passion in life, whether it’s something minute or something grand, and take every day to make one step closer towards deepening it. And then the last thing I would say is just to believe in the liberating power of surrender. There is something incredibly powerful about just surrendering to the rhythms of your life and seeing where life takes you. I think for me, happiness is really about having intention without expectation. I think som uch of our life, we have intention that our life should go x, y and z, and then we expect it to go that way, and then we get disappointed when it doesn’t. But it’s incredibly fulfilling when you can have intention that you want your life to move in this direction, but really have no expectation that it will and see, see how your life evolves.

Dr. Aliber Lozano 40:21
Nice. I’m just gonna talk about what you just said, Dr. Chelliah, so the three advice that we have is, of course, watch what you eat right now, because food is medicine, and if you don’t, you’re gonna have to be eating later in life as medicine to get healthier. So eating being part of some healthier behaviors, especially as it’s your first year in the job, I’m gonna go grab something quick to eat. That’s something quick to eat, we can resort to something quick being unhealthy, or something quick being something healthy, or do prepping, food prep. The other thing is that you said is find your joy in life and your joy may be your profession, it has to be so they can be a right fit. I love teaching and learning. That’s why I went into teaching. You love helping others in the sense through medicine. That’s some of the advice that you provided today. And thirdly, is being vulnerable, surrendering to just being vulnerable and let life happen. And that’s when, as you’re trying to take control, you’re actually not in control, because you’re trying to manage the unmanageable. When it happens is when you can experience it, be vulnerable and be back in control to get better when life gets hard, and to make sure it’s worth it. Jerome, Dr. Chilliah, I really want to thank you for joining us today on AVIDly Adulting in our inaugural episode, and for sharing your advice and how to tackle life when it gets hard in our first jobs and as we journey through our careers and lives. And to our subscribers, remember the tough moments don’t define us, they shape us. Life may be hard, especially in our first year in our careers, but those challenges that make the journey worthwhile and can reveal who we really are. So embrace the struggle. Be vulnerable. Experience it, because the reward isn’t just at the end, it’s an every step we take along the way, as you journey through life and as you live this daydream that we talked earlier. So I’ll leave you with these words, be good today. That’s enough, and together, let’s strive to be great tomorrow. Thank you all for joining us. Thanks for listening to AVIDly Adulting. Join us the first and third Mondays of every month as we feature guests and topics to help you navigate your first career with laughter, insights and life lessons, because adulting isn’t just a job, it’s an adventure.